Fall in Minnesota...

It has been so beautiful this fall. The leaves have turned color, dropped and have been raked up. The Northern Lights have paid us some spectacular visits....and we've had some unseasonably warm days. Minnesota deer hunters have really had some nice hunting conditions. This past weekend a Twin Ports hunter bagged a 27 point buck. I'm not a hunter but I do appreciate the thinning of the herd.
I have a long commute and the deer pop up on the freeway regularly. In the past twenty + years I have managed to hit two...in recent years I've been pretty lucky to have missed the ones I have seen.
I was thinking about the two hours I spend each day in my car. Over the years I have logged well over a half million miles between work and home.
Spending so much time in the car--its not surprising that I did a lot of my eating there too.
Traveling home late, I would often be tired....and could always rely on a dose of sugar to wake me up.
Cookies, fudge and ice cream(yes its really possible to eat Ben and Jerry's while driving a car)---really gave me energy. But they also gave me guilt, feelings of sadness, frustation, a sense of being out of control.
Many of the people in my family turned to alcohol as their drug of choice. Not me...I have always turned to food for comfort.
Tried alcohol when I was in my twenties. Just got sick.
So these past thirty years I've struggled with compulsive overeating, medicating with food and binging to fill my emotional needs. Not surprisingly I have also struggled with weight gain and a warped sense of self-image.
In my mind I have always been fat. Even now, I look in the mirror and see what little fat is left before I can compliment myself on my hard earned muscles.
In recent months I have learned that my past behaviors were the only way I knew to survive the sometimes unpleasant emotions that result from life. They did serve their purpose.
I survived.
But now I want to do more than just survive. I want to live the rest of my life as a happy, healthy woman.
Now I am beginning to realize that I need to adopt new approaches in resolving my problems....like reaching out and asking for help.
Now I realize that a healthy mind, starts with a healthy body.
Now I know my healthy body depends on BFL.

I guess this BFL is a lifetime journey. Each day I learn a little more...but my number one lesson learned is---you got to take care of yourself, before you can care for others.